I want a peace prize,
I deserve a peace prize,
Nobody’s ever worked for peace like me,
I stopped eight wars, nine, possibly fifty—
(But just up here, in the galaxy between my ears)
Everybody’s talking about it, okay? Everybody.
Barack Hussein Obama—yeah, middle name Hussein,
Got the Nobel Peace Prize for, what, doing nothing?
They say he’s the DEI president,
Of course he is, you know, wink wink—don’t tell anyone—
But I deserved it more, much more, the most, ever!
If I don’t get a peace prize, is it even peace?
I’m a better Jesus than Jesus, ask Bibi, ask anybody.
He said, “You are the greatest since me,”
So you know it’s true—Bibi doesn’t lie,
FIFA called me, begged me for peace,
“Sir, we want to give you the best peace prize,
Not like the fake Nobel Hussein got,
But the FIFA one, the truly global—tremendous, believe me!”
I’m so focused, big beautiful focus,
I invented a new peace prize and gave it to myself,
A truly historic moment, every camera in the world—
Vladimir Putin sent me a lovely note, perfect Russian penmanship,
“You are the most deserving, nobody like you,”
And Melania—my beautiful DEI wife, total supermodel—
“If you want me to stand next to you for the photos,
Add ten million, and try not to sweat on the tux,
You lardy, magnificent, peace-loving genius.”
Peace is easy when you’re me:
Golf scores lower, walls higher, press lower, ratings higher,
Peace on Earth, except the media, they’re so unfair,
Shouldn’t I get, like, all the peace prizes?
FIFA, Nobel, People’s Choice, maybe an Emmy,
Even Jesus would say, “Give this guy all the awards,”
If there was a prize for not whining, I’d win—
But then again, I’d still whine,
Because nobody’s ever brought more peace,
And never gotten the credit. NEVER!
So folks, give me my trophy—every trophy, now!
I’ll even clap for myself.
That’s called leadership—maybe even sainthood,
But for now, call me the FIFA Peace President
(The real one, not that DEI phony prize from Sweden.)
by Bakchos
