1.
At seventy – my prime! (Believe me, it’s true!)
Not like some sleepy grandpas who trip on their shoe.
I launched a campaign – so “yuge”’ so exciting –
The crowds were enormous, the fire marshals fainting!
Those crooked old pols couldn’t swap fries for a bun,
But I fixed up the country – huge tax cuts! So fun!
Rallies galore, folks, the energy’s lit,
More rocking than Woodstock, (and with less…well, you get it).
2.
I exiled the swampers – witches! So gross!
Lawsuits exploding, “Perfect call!” Yeah, I boast.
Courts and elections, I crushed every foe,
Ask the angry, still howling – still salty, you know.
3.
On land, air, and Twitter (back when it was cool),
I made deals like a shark, I crushed every fool.
If you’re a smart cookie, I spared you, hooray –
Dummies I roasted, (Rocketman? Now he’ll play!)
Seventy million (plus!) votes in my sack –
Despite all the stealers, I brought boomy jobs back!
Tax cuts and trade deals, my hands did the grabbing,
Nobody’s done grabbing like me – that’s just bragging!
4.
Two impeachments? All hoaxes – witch hunts! Such a joke!
Radicals raging, but I never broke.
Investigations? Ignored them – who cares?
Red hats exploding like winners at fairs!
World leaders bowed, ratings climbed to the sky,
President twice, the best – don’t ask why.
5.
Total power? They “offered”, of course,
But I’m so humble (just kidding, remorse).
Handled the virus – warp speed on the run,
Vaccines in your arm, hurricanes (I won!).
Drug prices? I slashed ‘em! (A thousand percent?)
Yachts for prescriptions, Big Pharma’s lament.
Mathematicians fainted, “You can’t!” they all said –
But I made it “yuge” in the news (let’s not tread on the spread).
6.
They begged, “Curate it all!” – who could blame them, you see?
But I kept things *traditional*… at least, just for me.
Executive orders, like magic – so fast!
Poll problems gone – just like that, in the past.
7.
Led Republicans roaming, lost, looking for hope –
I topped every poll (blindfolded? No rope).
Deal-making legend, my name up in lights,
“You’re fired!” resounding through all of their nights.
Wrestled with winners, no lightweights allowed –
Apprentice, Biography – me, always proud.
8.
I boosted conservatives; my engine roared loud –
No fraud in my voters (unless I say so, I’m proud!).
Jobs soared – unemployment, I made it go low,
Trillions dropped like my signature show.
America First – try to copy my style,
You’ll fail, ‘cause my features go mile after mile!
9.
Prayers for my triumphs – church pews, every steeple
Packed full for me – even atheists’ people.
Cheering my comebacks, like Elvis’s return –
Better hair, less pills? Now, that’s how you earn.
10.
In history’s volumes, my name etched in gold,
(chapter, epilogue, footnote – all truth, never old)
Offered kingship? Declined! Emperor’s more grand,
My crowds broke the counters – world’s largest fan band!
11.
There should’ve been fireworks and Trump Day, confetti,
No vegans allowed – just steak, bold and steady.
The altar of greatness, comeback of the year,
Annual thanks – yet somehow, not here.
12.
Bigwigs at Mar-a-Lago (winter-palace delight) –
Congress, start carving my face on Rushmore tonight!
Why not a statue in gold, shining clear?
History loves me – make that fact appear!
13.
Founders wanted open doors – me, escalators!
Moving walkways! For slowpoke debaters.
14.
Ivanka, Don Junior – they’re second to none,
Brilliant and beautiful – perfect gene run!
Movement inheritors – talent galore,
Nepotism? Please. Look at their score!
15.
Checks in the mailbox? A Trumpy surprise –
Santa on steroids, right before your eyes!
Veterans, citizens – bonuses, relief!
I paid it all – (count your blessings, good grief!).
16.
Trillions for walls – invisible, true!
Critics pretended, but I made them new.
Built them the tallest, the strongest, the best –
Windmill theorists just talk, I aced the test.
17.
Einstein? Come on – he’s history’s chump!
I balanced the books, made the treasury jump.
Money by magic, inflation’s a myth –
(That’s just fake news – they fib, they twist!)
18.
When budgets got shaky, I showered crisp notes –
Golden abundance, gift-wrapped in quotes.
19.
Trump Tower in glory (ego – sky high!),
Hotels out-fancied Versailles (give mine a try).
Border walls, Mar-a-Lago – all safe, never shady –
Space Force for aliens, temples to winnin’, baby!
20.
Rebuilt the country – a phoenix revived!
Military gym-buffed, prosperity thrived.
Abraham Accords – Middle East, there’s the proof!
No apologies ever – “sorry”, go poof!
21.
I built social forums with tweets so divine –
Elon took over, but that victory’s mine!
White House piñata – smash! Wins all inside.
Gifts raining down – a Trumpy joyride!
22.
Epic gladitorial games! (Metaphors, folks!)
Beasts and competitors felled by my jokes.
Super Bowls bettered, entertainment’s delight –
PETA can chill – no blood in this fight!
23.
No river battles in Rome, but media waves –
Anchors went under – CNN’s grave.
24.
Returned the lost loot? Compound with flair –
Trade deals, not temples, but I made it square.
25.
Tamed pirates? You bet! Secured every sea –
Oaths of allegiance as far as you see.
Seven hundred senators cheering my win –
2016’s loyalty inked on their skin!
finis
by Bakchos
